Ask A Ninja!!!

I know this has absolutely nothing to do with music, but no albums have come out since my last post so I'm going to write this anyways. Its from the Ask A Ninja podcasts on itunes and I thought it was pretty funny so i decided to post. These are some excerpts from his latest one.(P.S) You will only think this is funny if you are ninja, so if you aren't, don't even bother reading this.

Are you a ninja and tired of your old hangout spots? Well have I got some places for you. One of those places is this tiny constantly moving party. You never know where it's going to be, It's called your place, you go there and you realize, HEY! This is your place! It could be your place, or your place, or your place! But not your place, ugh, NERD ALERT! If you like to listen to music and go to concerts, all the good ninja bands play at the House Of Blacks. Which I also think is a CBS created show by Tyler Perry. But anyways, it's in like this hollowed out dragon horn, like really fat dragon. There's also this big circular club with this big spiked bar in the and it moves in a random pattern. I wouldn't recommend it for a first date though, unless you don't like your date...which you shouldn't be dating them in the first place because it could be your last date. The Shuriken Cave which is hands down the most inconvenient convenient store. It's located in the middle of the ocean, invisible and double doored. But please wherever you go, don't go to the "Well of Souls", (psh) LAME!!

Here are some words contributed to English by Ninja

-hat:(noun) A ninja variation of HIYA! Which is primarily used when your slicing or stabbing into someones head...HIYA, HIYA, HIYA! What we just did is tweaked the definition a little bit so now millions of you walk around with what basically amounts to a great big target on your head!

-dumb:(adj.) Was just a ninja who snuck in there and put the totally unnecessary "b" on the end of the word. Just to make dumB people feel a little bit dumBer. I AM NOT DUMB!!

-beat:(verb, noun, adj.) In english it has 3 meanings
1) to win
2) to strike
3) a musical time signature
But for ninja, that's just one big idea! Be the first to pumble someone to death without losing rhythm.

-what:(pron) It's a pretty interesting story, it's made from the sound a ninja makes called "WHOOSH" Which is like the sound he makes when he's sneaking behind you, or pulling out his sword to kill you, or moving his eyes really quickly. (WHOOSH) What was that (WHOOSH, WHOOSH, WHOOSH) What was that (WHOOSH, WHOOSH) What was that!

- ... : (noun) [unknown] A ninja stroke of brilliance, just a way to keep somebody paying attention even though there's nothing there! Just...Hey! The words stopped, I'll guess I'll just follow these dots and see if it leads to more words...........nope, just a sword (crack)

-black: (adj.) It's nothing! Only perimeters of other somethings! Black does not exist! The best definition for black is the never ending story, "Nothing!" When you put something in it, it's not nothing anymore! Know what I'm slayin?

-cereal: (noun) It's actually derived from the ancient ninja practice of see-real, which is what we do every morning. We meditate into reality and star into the uneducated truth of the universe! That'll keep you regular.

-knice: (adj.) The ninja term for slicing something with a knife in a really cool or difficult way. WOAH, KNICE, KNICE, KNIIIIICE!!

Six differences between ninjas and crazy people:

1)Ninjas throw spears and swords.
Crazy people throw tantrums and poop.

2)Ninjas are great at not being seen.
Crazy people are great at seeing things that aren't there

3)Ninjas train for years and years to stay in peak physical form
Crazy people however make a conductors hat out of a ham sandwich and drive a cafeteria tray around like it's a choo-choo train

4) Ninjas battle for truth and honor
Crazy people think their on the price is right...all the time.

5)Ninjas choose death before dishonor.
Crazy people study mirrors to try to find a way out.

6)Ninjas can punch through solid steel!
Crazy people flip through National Geographic magazines looking for messages from their cat.

In fact, I think the only similarity between ninjas and crazy people are a ninja can perfectly intimidate a crazy person. So you best be careful who you callin loco essay, cause you might find yourself without a cervesas, or a poyo!

If you like this and want to check out more, you can go to askaninja.com or check out his podcasts on itunes!